Story of Hinilawod

My Wena,

It’s been more than two years now that I have known you. We started as friends online. You were part of an fb group I had created. Whoever added you, I had no clue, but I’d forever be beholden to that person who brought you there. You see, time flew so fast, our friendship grew slower yet sweeter. Intermittently, you chatted me only a few and far between, especially when you’re in need of somethin. Until our future robbed us of ourselves that we eventually found a mutual need for each other’s fondness.

It was a shared interest— book reading— that melded our two distinct isles from the get go. It opened a conversation. Who wouldn’t admire a woman who had immense love for theological books and bought plenty of them. That’s too attractive a quality of a woman I was helplessly drawn into. For the most part, I did wish that I would meet somewhere along my saddest route a woman of your sort. I dreamt of having someone like you. But I was anxious that such wish would ever be too fancy at its best and unstable at worst.

The hard-boiled realities of life confronted me head on. I hadn’t had a job at that time. I was just a student. I graduated late due to poverty-related reasons. I fixed my thoughts at my state and saw you from afar. I saw the cost I knew I could hardly bridge. Those empty spaces of my pockets were metaphorical to my ill-fated wishes. Good fortune had been so elusive for me.

From there, I nearly dropped off every chance of courting you. But I felt that maybe I could work something out to pull the difficulty off. Until the last tad of my hope went pulverized when you posted on your wall a birthday greeting you gave to someone whom you considered as the handsomest person you met. I immediately peeped through his wall and did a considerable stalks about the man. I discovered that you guys were so close that I mistakenly thought he was your boyfriend. From there, I gave you up. I felt that he’s more than capable than I was and I sensed that you would be happier with him.

From that day onward, I no longer chatted you. I went back to my journey again. I absorbed my disappointment and quietly accepted life’s deepest challenge, keeping myself afloat in the bleakest sink of my melancholy. I consoled myself saying “sometimes, it’s okay to be upset”.

Weeks later, things worsen however at my discovery that the reason my ex had broken up with me a year before was due to a third-party. I had thought all along it was just family reasons. I burst into tears. And I bled poetry in my wall. I was in great trouble. I desperately needed someone to talk to and share my heaviness. To my surprise, of all the friends I looked forward, the person I least expected, came to my rescue. You were just there for me. And I eventually found a home in you when life most abandoned a stranger myself.

I felt so grateful beyond words. Meanwhile, you didn’t have the foggiest of it perhaps since it had been a commonplace for you to help people from the very start. Later in time I gradually know you better. You shared to me how you were converted and also the sadness that your past left a scar in you. My heart sank. It went out for you. I felt at that time that I wasn’t alone. I was completely clueless that my brokeness resembled yours to boot in many ways. I wanted to hug you for the life of me and would want to let you know I’d be there for you no matter what.

Until our conversation became constant, no sooner I couldn’t afford to behold the sun to repose in the cloud than sending you a sweet message. We fell in love— despite distance and circumstance. I relinquished my anxieties and relished the thought of dating you with the only expense of my poetry. You made me feel that you were completely satisfied with it. But I knew it wasn’t enough, dear. I hadn’t brought you flowers much less bought you a chocolate, let alone gifted you with jewelries. It just so happened that not all women were delighted in those luxurious stuffs. Hehe. So I kept going.

Incidentally, the money I got from my scholarship. I saved it. I allocated it to buy promo tickets for the plane. I counted and was baffled with the possible costs I’d be needing to meet you. But you were so understanding. You knew I hadn’t had a job at that time. While pondering my poverty, I hastened afterwards to work in BPO. I sought for retention accounts that were high-incentive paying to address my needs and plane tickets to visit you semi-annually.


Until everything went well for me in the company, my performance got its commensurate reward. For the most part, my love for you had been the engine that spurred me to do better in the workplace. I was able to save enough to pay you my visit and treat you at any place or resto in Luzon. It had been my dream, you know,to convert my honeyed poetry in most concrete expression possible. I wanted to love you and impress you daily.

And finally this May 20, 2020, I beg to seal my affection for you to be wrapped in covenant before my God and His people. I would marry you in all places we could go and lay in the open unashamedly my genuine love and sworn dedication to be faithful for you in all life’s fiercest battle. May God help me.


Faithfully Yours,

— Jezreel Madsa